Starmer Tries to Close the Stable Door While Keeping His Wardrobe Full

Sir Keir Starmer’s Champagne Problem…

After weeks of revelations laying out the full wardrobe of freebies Labour MPs have received, our esteemed Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer—that champion of the working class, that beacon of integrity, and the toolmaker’s son—in a display of contrition as shallow as a puddle on Downing Street’s doorstep, has deigned to pay back up to £6,000. A token repayment for some of his lavish indulgences. You might be tempted to applaud, were it not for the stench of hypocrisy that clings to this gesture like the morning-after miasma of a Bullingdon Club bacchanal.

In a move so tone-deaf it could make even the most out-of-touch aristocrat blush, Starmer has raked in over £65,000 in gifts from Lord Alli in just nine months. And as if it weren’t enough to lavish himself, he’s allowed the generous Lord to outfit Lady Starmer as well. The mere £6,000 he’s repaying? It’s just a drop in the ocean covering Taylor Swift tickets, racecourse jaunts, and a wardrobe upgrade for his suffering wife.

With an estimated net worth of £7.7 million and a Prime Ministerial salary—an apparent “pittance” of £160,000 plus expenses—Starmer has indulged in a buffet of freebies that makes Marie Antoinette’s cake look like a stale biscuit. His insatiable appetite for gifts has outpaced every Labour leader since 1997 combined, a feat that might have been impressive were it not so utterly nauseating.

Now, as the stench of hypocrisy becomes too pungent to ignore, Starmer has decided to pay back for Taylor Swift tickets, race day jaunts, and a clothing rental agreement for his wife all totalling enough to make Marie Antoinette blush. His justification? “We came in as a government of change,” he bleated to reporters in Brussels, apparently oblivious to the irony dripping from every word, we can all see the only change has been his wardrobe.

Starmer hopes that paying back the £6000 worth of gift will put an end to the whole stinking affair but too many questions lay unanswered like the lack of an explanation for borrowing an £18m flat – that his son needed a quiet place to revise for GCSEs – is a masterclass in ivory tower politics.

You can almost hear the collective groan of parents across Britain, struggling to provide their children with a decent study space in overcrowded homes. Perhaps next, we’ll hear that the Taylor Swift tickets were necessary for stress relief during cabinet meetings or is that the box at the gunner’s…

Starmer’s belated attempt to make amends – reeks of too little, too late. It’s as if he’s discovered his moral compass at the bottom of a champagne flute and is now frantically trying to recalibrate it. It’s a classic case of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, been knighted, and accepted a six-figure consultancy role.

The true farce lies in Starmer’s insistence that he’s always followed the rules. Of course, he has – the rules written by and for the political class, designed to keep the gravy train running smoothly. It’s a game as old as politics itself: follow the letter of the law while trampling its spirit underfoot.

Our esteemed Lord Alli, it seems, is not merely a generous benefactor but a veritable Santa Claus of the political elite. His largesse knows no bounds, extending from London flats to New York apartments, from designer wardrobes to lavish birthday bashes. Is there a Labour frontbencher who hasn’t been touched by his munificence?

Funny how the Party that once stood for the working class now seems more concerned with designer labels and VIP boxes than with the struggles of ordinary Britons.

Donations row Labour peer Lord Alli investigated by watchdog

The plot, as they say, thickens. That generosity of Lord Alli’s seems to have brought down the spotlight. He now finds himself under investigation by the House of Lords’ standards watchdog, adding another layer of tarnish to Labour’s already dulled reputation. This comes after openDemocracy revealed that he failed to declare his financial interests in a company based in a tax haven.

While they caution that an investigation doesn’t imply wrongdoing, the devil, as always, is in the details. Alli’s “unintentional error” in failing to declare his directorship of Mac (BVI) Limited raises eyebrows. It’s a curious oversight for a man of his business acumen.

More intriguing still are the financial arrangements lurking beneath the surface. Alli’s potential windfall of £425,000 in directorship fees, should an acquisition be made, is the sort of ‘non-financial interest’ that would make most workers’ eyes water. It’s a reminder that in the world of high finance and politics, ‘non-financial’ can often mean ‘not yet financial’.

The House of Lords’ commissioner for standards has not given any details of the probe into Waheed Alli, but said it relates to “alleged non-registration of interests”. His directorship at the company was added to his register of interests only after Opendemocracy contacted him to ask why it was missing.

The big one that’s not hitting the mainstream press quite yet also comes from a Tax heaven a Cayman Islands-registered Quadrature Capital had made the sixth largest political donation in British history to Starmer’s Party just after the General Election was announced. This revelation lays bare the hollowness of Labour’s promises and the depth of their newfound allegiances.

The timing of this £4 million windfall is about as subtle as a sledgehammer. Conveniently tucked away just before the “pre-poll reporting period”, it escaped the weekly scrutiny reserved for donations over £11,180. This isn’t transparency; it’s a magic trick – now you see it, now you don’t. But the question remains: what else is Labour hiding up its designer sleeves?

The use of offshore havens like the British Virgin Islands – a favourite playground for those with deep pockets and shallow scruples – sits uncomfortably with Labour’s professed values. David Lammy’s pledge to tackle tax havens “with full vigour” now rings hollow, echoing in the empty chambers of Labour’s abandoned principles.

Let’s pause to savour the irony. Here we have a party that once prided itself on representing the working class, now awash in the gifts of a peer with offshore interests and accepting donations from companies registered in tax heavens. It’s as if the Labour leadership has decided to cosplay as the very elite they once railed against.

As we watch this sorry saga unfold, one thing becomes clear: the Labour Party, under Starmer’s leadership, has strayed so far from its roots that it’s in danger of forgetting what soil looks like. The party of Keir Hardie and Aneurin Bevan has become a pale imitation of its former self, more concerned with rubbing shoulders with the elite than lifting up the downtrodden.

As the government scrambles to tighten rules around ministerial hospitality, one can’t help but wonder: is this the change Starmer promised? A change from Tory excess to Labour extravagance? From Conservative cronyism to Labour larceny?

The British public, struggling with a cost-of-living crisis, watching their NHS crumble, and their communities fray, deserve better than this pantomime of probity. They deserve leaders who understand that public service is about sacrifice, not self-indulgence.

The stable door may indeed be closed, but the horse of Labour’s integrity bolted long ago. We can only hope that somewhere, in the forgotten corners of British politics, a true champion of the people is waiting in the wings, ready to remind us all what real Labour values look like.

Paul Knaggs