Lord of the Rings: Transport Minister Caught Texting Behind the Wheel 

Why was the transport minister texting while driving? He couldn’t get a signal…

Transport Minister Lord Peter Hendy has found himself in a rather awkward predicament after being caught texting while driving a vintage bus through London’s rush hour traffic. The irony of the nation’s transport czar flouting basic road safety rules has not been lost on observers.  

The noble lord was spotted by a passenger tapping away on his phone while piloting an old Routemaster bus during a charity event last month. He was apparently messaging a friend about a prostate cancer test – a worthy topic, though perhaps best saved for a moment not spent steering several tons of moving metal through one of the busiest cities in Europe.

Lord Hendy, who owns the vintage bus and has given tours for the past three years to raise money for the Railway Benefit Fund (of which he is patron), has since apologised for his momentary lapse in judgment. A source close to the minister indicated he’ll accept the likely penalty: six points on his license and a fine – the standard punishment for commoners who commit the same offence.  

The incident took place on March 28th during evening rush hour, and the minister was reported to police a few days later by one of the passengers. There’s always one on the bus—never taps their Oyster, always ruins the trip.

In a twist worthy of a parliamentary sitcom, the Metropolitan Police initially closed the investigation due to “lack of evidence,” only to reopen it after Lord Hendy nobly reported himself. How convenient that self-reporting occurs only after being caught red-handed! Perhaps this new self-policing approach could be extended to other areas—”Yes officer, I’ve been speeding, but look how responsibly I’m telling you about it now!”

The Railway Family Fundraiser organisers released a statement that masterfully tiptoed the tightrope between not offending their powerful patron and not appearing to endorse texting while driving: “None of us would advocate or condone unsafe practices. However, we reiterate that we are not aware of the whole situation.” Translation: Please don’t cut our funding, but also, please don’t kill anyone next time.

This isn’t the first time a government minister has demonstrated that traffic laws are apparently optional for the ruling class. Former Security Minister Tom Tugendhat was banned from driving for six months in 2022 after a similar phone-related indiscretion, receiving a £1,000 fine — or roughly the equivalent of a Zone 1 parking ticket when translated into ministerial salary currency.

Perhaps there’s something in the water at Westminster that convinces our elected and appointed leaders that they possess superhuman multitasking abilities the rest of us lack. Or perhaps it’s simply the intoxicating aroma of privilege wafting through the corridors of power.

As for Lord Hendy, next time the urge to text strikes, perhaps he could do what mere mortals are told to do: pull over, park up, and not steer seven tons of vintage nostalgia through London traffic while composing a WhatsApp clinic report. Because for the rest of us, the Highway Code isn’t a set of helpful suggestions — and common sense isn’t something we outsource to our PR team after the fact.

Paul Knaggs