Taxi For Lammy: A Tale of Two Journeys

A Foreign Secretary’s Alpine Misadventure

We’ve all got a bad taxi tale after a heavy Saturday night out, but this diplomatic drama takes the fare, the tip, and possibly the luggage as well.

Two journeys unfolded simultaneously last month: one across the picturesque Alps, the other through the treacherous terrain of international incident, media spin, and political career suicide. David Lammy, our esteemed Foreign Secretary and Labour MP for Tottenham, found his spring holiday transformed into what can only be described as a master class in how to confirm every stereotype about entitled politicians who’ve forgotten where they came from.

This, after all, is the same David Lammy who once claimed £12,000 for a second home just four miles from his constituency home. The same David Lammy who charged taxpayers £173 for lost keys. The same David Lammy who, despite representing one of London’s poorest boroughs, seems to have developed a taste for luxury that would make Marie Antoinette blush.

Just days after hobnobbing with royalty, three glorious days with King Charles and Queen Camilla on a state visit to Italy, where one presumes he learned the subtle art of waving and nodding, Lammy and his wife embarked on what should have been a straightforward taxi ride from Forli, Italy to Flaine in the French Alps. As if that was a ‘normal’ thing… Instead, they got a master class in how not to do diplomacy, with a side order of how not to treat working people.

Less People’s Champion More Alpine Prima Donna

According to French media, taxi driver Nassim Mimun, age 40, claims Lammy morphed from distinguished diplomat to belligerent passenger when asked to pay €700 in cash, the remaining balance of a €1,550 alpine odyssey. This sum, roughly equivalent to what most of Lammy’s Tottenham constituents might earn in two weeks, was apparently beneath our Foreign Secretary’s dignity to discuss like a normal human being.

Mimun paints a picture of classic political entitlement: Lammy “became aggressive” and “snatched the receipt from his hand”, behaviour that would get any ordinary person from Tottenham arrested, but apparently is just another day at the office for our jet-setting Foreign Secretary.

Cab driver Nassim Mimun, 40, claims Lammy refused to pay for the six-hour drive to a French ski resort.

The couple allegedly left his vehicle “in a filthy state,” with photos showing discarded rubbish on the back seat. One imagines this is the natural behaviour of someone who’s spent too long having others clean up after him. When you’ve got staff and expense accounts, why bother with basic courtesies like not treating someone else’s workplace like a litter bin?

The irony that Lammy, who has built his career pontificating about respect, equality, and dignity, would allegedly treat a working man like his personal servant is apparently lost on our Foreign Secretary. This is the same politician who loves to lecture audiences about his humble beginnings and understanding the struggles of working people. Apparently, that understanding stops at the UK border, or perhaps at the door of his ministerial car.

They say let them eat cake and just like that… the back seat of the taxi was full of crumbs.

The Lord of Denial vs. The Taxi Driver

Meanwhile, back in Whitehall, where truth goes to be massaged, stretched, and occasionally euthanised, a completely different narrative emerged. The Foreign Office, with all the righteous indignation they usually reserve for condemning human rights abuses in countries without oil, insists Lammy “totally refutes” these allegations. The fare, they claim, was paid in full, presumably with a receipt that would be easier to produce than most ministerial impact assessments.

But here’s the problem with Lammy’s denials: they follow a pattern. This is a man who once denied claiming expenses for a baby’s cot (until the receipts proved otherwise), who claimed he’d paid back all questionable expenses (until it was shown he hadn’t), and who somehow failed to declare over £35,000 in speaking fees (until forced to apologise).

Is it really so hard to believe that the same David Lammy who felt entitled to charge taxpayers for his lost keys might also feel entitled to browbeat a taxi driver over a fare? That the same David Lammy who once struggled to explain where £19,500 in office expenses had gone might also struggle with the concept of paying for a service rendered?

From Taxi to Thriller: The Plot Thickens

But wait! Like any good political scandal, there’s a twist that would make John le Carré reach for his typewriter. According to Lammy’s artist wife Nicola Green (whose police statement reads like a rejected James Bond script), the situation escalated when the driver allegedly revealed a knife tucked inside his glovebox and demanded cash while Lammy had popped inside their accommodation.

After this unsettling interaction, the driver allegedly absconded with not just the couple’s Louis Vuitton luggage (because of course, it would be Louis Vuitton, nothing but the best for our man of the people), but with coded briefcases and diplomatic passports. How very convenient that the story shifts from “entitled politician refuses to pay” to “innocent diplomat victimised by knife-wielding criminal.”

The twist? Lammy wasn’t even traveling on diplomatic business. It was a personal trip, meaning the only secret documents at risk were perhaps the Foreign Secretary’s holiday reading list and skiing itinerary. Then again, you have to wonder if Lammy even knows where Tottenham is anymore, given how much time he spends in alpine luxury while his constituents face a cost-of-living crisis. 

Lammy Airways

I know most of you are left wondering why Lammy didn’t just fly after all that’s his prefeed method of draining the treasury.

Ironically, since taking office, Lammy has already burned through an eye-watering £916,177 on flights. Let that sink in. Nearly a million pounds of taxpayer money spent so he can lecture other countries about British values, presumably not including thrift or environmental consciousness.

His priciest single adventure? A luxury jaunt to New Delhi, India, and Vientiane, Laos, which totalled £266,456. That’s more than ten times the average Tottenham constituent’s annual salary, blown on a single diplomatic shopping spree.

In his first three months alone, Lammy splashed out £891,719 on private air travel, nearly half of what Liz Truss spent during her entire tenure as Foreign Secretary in 2021-2022. That’s £297,239 per month on flying, exactly 77.84% more than Truss spent. When you’re making Liz “Lettuce” Truss look like a model of fiscal restraint, perhaps it’s time for some serious self-reflection.

The hypocrisy reaches stratospheric heights when you recall that this is the same David Lammy who solemnly declares climate change is “one of the biggest dangers facing the world.”

The foreign secretary made clear the government considered action on climate change and nature the focus of every department.

“The threat may not feel as urgent as a terrorist or an imperialist autocrat. But it is more fundamental. It is systemic, it’s pervasive and accelerating towards us at pace,” he said.

He also said: “While I am Foreign Secretary, action on the climate and nature crisis will be central to all the Foreign Office does.” 

At this rate, given the weight of Lammy’s carbon footprint, the Foreign Secretary may single-handedly melt what remains of the polar ice caps before his first year in office is complete.

The Investigation Continues, Much Like The Career

French authorities have opened a formal investigation into what they’re calling a “commercial dispute.” One envisions French detectives meticulously examining receipt fragments while sighing heavily and wondering how Britain’s top diplomat can’t manage to complete a basic financial transaction without international incident.

For Lammy, this episode forms an unexpected chapter in his political memoir, working title: “From Tottenham to the Alps: How I Lost My Luggage, My Dignity, and Other Little Things.” For the Foreign Office, it’s yet another reminder that perhaps they should vet their ministers for basic decency toward service workers before sending them to represent Britain abroad.

From Rome to the Riviera, from ski lodge to courtroom, it seems this tale of two journeys is far from over. One thing’s clear: not all diplomatic incidents begin with a press conference. Like a bad night out in Parliament’s subsidised bars, some start with an entitled politician who’s forgotten that taxi drivers are human beings too, not servants to be dismissed or intimidated.

Starmer’s ministers promised to restore Britain’s international standing, but if Lammy’s alpine adventure is anything to go by, perhaps they should start by restoring their own connection to the basic values of respect and decency they claim to champion.

Taxi for Lammy? Actually, perhaps public transport would be a better reminder of how the other half lives.

Paul Knaggs